Foster Care

The foster care system in North Carolina is definitely not perfect. I decided to talk to a youth that had been through it first hand and get her views on her experience. Ms. Maylaysia Smiley-Coleman was nice enough to speak to us here at mental beauty about her time in foster care. Being put in foster care at about 7 or 8 years old and now being a 23-year-old woman she can remember everything like it was yesterday. We asked her to start off the interview what were the events that placed her in foster care. “ My parents worked a lot and while they were at work I was molested by a man and a family member,” said Ms. Smiley-Coleman. “ I informed a counselor at school what happened then I was placed in the care of my grandmother who was not in a position to care for me. After that, I was placed in emergency foster care put in a home with a woman who could really care less about me. She would cuss at me and try to fight me.” She continued to explain to us. “ I was finally put into respite care with a woman that I clicked and bonded with immediately. I have then moved again and placed with another woman who was pretty cool. She was very protective how other people spoke to me and treated me.” We then asked her how she thinks her time in foster care affected her at the time. “ I feel that it made me grow up a lot faster than I normally would have. This woman was a turning point in my life she helped me come out of my personal bubble and my shell”. Before I met her I felt ugly. She taught me how to dress and carry myself as a young lady.” We asked her how she thinks her time in foster care affected her. ”Dealing with the different personalities of the different people helped me to mature. It also taught me to live in the moment and not to dwell on the past but to plan for the future.” We could definitely see how emotional and passionate she was about talking about this clearly tough time in her life. “Kids would always try me or pick on me because they knew I was foster care saying thing like that's the foster care girl and she doesn't have no family.” At one point in the interview due to high emotions, we had to pause and gather ourselves. Once we reconvened she was nice enough to tell us how she felt about her family after being put in the foster care system. “ I feel smarter than my parents I see them differently than I probably would have if I hadn't been placed in the system”. Did anyone during your time in the system talk bad about your family or your parents? “Yes definitely, social workers and people I was placed with would both make comments about how stupid my parents were, saying my moms have all these children and so dumb all she knows how to do is open her legs. It would force me to feel like I had to defend them because they couldn't do it for them”. We asked her does she feel that being put in foster care was the right choice for her at the time. She told us “ No, I felt hurt, unwanted and abandoned I felt even though my mom wanted me she also did not at the same time. My father was always there for me when he was just gone out of my life. I didn't feel any safer being in that situation vs being with my family”. She shared her feeling about how foster care made her feel about the world. “My time in foster care made me feel caged. I couldn't do anything for myself. No one shared reasons for anything. They would force me to to do things and take things without telling me what it was. Such as birth control but wouldn't tell me what it was or why. I would ask what it was and would tell me just take it. Instead of telling me that this is a requirement of foster care”. “Being in foster care made me angry it made me think why couldn't my parents take care of me and support me or give me a good life.” Here at Mental Beauty wanted to know her view on the resources that foster care had to offer for her. “They hardly had any resources for me. For example, if the foster family you were staying with gave you a suitcase we moving places then that would be your suitcase for that time only. On the other hand if not you would have to put your things in trash bags. Made you feel like because your a foster kid your trash and you don't matter. While your moving home to home to home, and most of them never really feel like HOME. Also, the social workers never check the homes. Its like they just assumed because they are a foster family they are immediately suitable and safe for you.” Did you regret telling someone because of your experience in foster care? “Yes, Because of its like strange people. Like I want to be with my family. Who doesn't want to be with their family? Wants to feel loved and wanted. You don't get that in foster care. If you do while your there its rare”.The last question we had was, What do you think the foster parents and social workers could have done better for at that time. “Be patient, show that you care. Nobody wants to feel alone. It's bad enough that the child is taken out of the parents home.” This interview was one of the most insightful we had seen. We appreciate Ms. Malaysia Smile-Coleman for sharing her story and speaking with us.