My Story

This is your blog. Blogs are a great way to connect with people and show them who you are. They can also be a great way to position yourself in a community. Simply put I wanted to get my story out there and to give all moms hope. From the Blog to my magazine letting you know how important prospective is. Also letting you know YOU, mom are enough.

My story start before I found out I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. The day I learned that my grandmother ,who was a triple amputee, could no longer be left home alone. My mother a single who is a parent couldn't handle what she needed to handle to keep us afloat if she couldn't leave the house. So I decided to drop out of school at 17 years old to be my grandmothers full time care provider. A little under a year later my grandmother passed away two month before my 18th birthday. Along with her went the income that just pushed us over the edge. Without her my mother and I became homeless. I met a man quite a bit older than me I was 19 looking for stability. We sort of dated for awhile I knew he was due to move away soon so we weren't but so serious. We had only known each other for a few month when he moved a state away. A week after he moved I came down with a very strange cold. Being as childish of a 19 year old as anyone I went to my pediatrician. Told him what was going on and he decided to give me a pregnancy test. Then I heard the words that would change my life forever. I was pregnant, 19, high school dropout, and the father of my baby lived in another state not to mention my mother's health was also declining by this point. What was I going to do? I was not ready to be a mom and definitely didn't know how to raise any one. I was the smart one in the family if anyone was going to make it, it was going to be me. Overnight my whole family had turned their backs on me. My own father disowned me. All I heard from that point on was how I ruined my life and how could I do this to my mother. But that was not my intent. I didn't even plan this. At first the father of my baby was supportive even though he lived so far away. My friends couldn't wait to be godparents and aunties. When I was 8 months pregnant and just turned 20 we moved into a new place not a mansion but a roof over our heads. Then life came crashing again. My friends no longer wanted to hang out with the pregnant girl. It hurt being abandoned by my the people I once called friends. My doctor said it would better for me to be induced. So that's what I did just me and my mom in the hospital. Something went wrong my labor stopped out of nowhere. I had to be rushed to get a c-section. I don't remember very much mostly slept through it. All I remember is hearing all the doctors yell Happy Birthday and someone holding up my brand new baby girl. Then passed out. Apparently lost a lot of blood and entered a small coma like state. When I woke up I was in a hospital bed and across from me was a baby. Aubrey my beautiful (now 3 year old little girl). I was happy. Posted pictures of her admittedly. Then showed her to her father on Skype. A few days later a mutual "friend" told Aubrey's dad that he was her father. I hadn't even been intimate with him. at first her father didn't believe him but it got to him soon enough. He stopped claiming her and stopped helping me. I didn't know what to do. Being with out of help I turned to my mom and she supported us the best she could. I found a school for dropouts. My mom watched my daughter while I went to school and I found a program for youth with mental disabilities. Was already apart of the group but then I throw myself in to it. Worked hard to make this program work and help with the other youth coming in. There I met a boy he was a little younger than me but he made me feel special. He was so amazing with Aubrey. When we met I was planning my 21st birthday, He made me feel like a queen. Until one day started noticing his distance. He told me it was because he was doing badly in school and possibly going to lose his job. That made me want to work hard for us. Eventually he lost his job. People started saying I was only with him for his money and that now I was going to leave. I loved him, so I got my very first job until he could get on his feet. He had paid for things for my family and myself. It was only fitting that I paid now that he couldn't. We were supposed to be a family. I couldn't find a balance of work, being a mom, keeping up my home and school. So dropping out again felt like the right thing to do. He was still pretty distant. We started to argue. This felt like being abandoned again. He admitted he had cheated on me with my friend and his ex. Then he admitted to me that he was in love with his ex. I learned shortly after he left me to be with my friend. When they broke up I gave him another chance. It still isn't working. we continued to be intimate. With being rejected again in my life. I felt lost and trapped by motherhood along with all the responsibilities. Still loved being a mom and my daughter. Still I was struggling. Thinking it was time for me again. Wanted to just have fun no ties. Was still being intimate with my ex and with two other men. Thinking I was being safe. A gentleman and I was becoming serious. We hadn't known each other but 3 weeks when I realized that my period was late. He went and bought me a pregnancy test. Wasn't too worried thinking I was safe. It wasn't the first time that my cycle had changed course. he gave it to me. I took the test. When I looked at the test it said pregnant. I couldn't believe it. The next day I told my mother we basically did the same thing sat on her bed in silence. this was much more scary than before. At this point I had lost my job, was alone with 1 baby(who had not too long turned 1). I became depressed. I didn't want this baby. I completely believed I knew who her father was. (my ex). He had moved on with my friend completely when I found out I was pregnant. He had become someone I didn't recognize. Someone mean and distant we weren't even friend anymore. He wanted to take my baby away and raise the baby with his new girlfriend. We were back to struggling. I had become angry at the world. I had terrible morning sickness almost the whole time. I wanted to get rid of this baby. After hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time I knew I couldn't have an abortion. It was also against my beliefs. I decided I wanted to give her up for adoption. Looked into a open adoption. My mom had a friend who couldn't have children and we knew another woman. I was pretty sure I was going to give the baby up. One day I was talking to someone on the phone. Don't remember who. They told me I couldn't be a mom of two kids. They said I don't have enough love for two kids. I didn't have the drive for two kids. That sparked my thoughts and I started figuring things out. Putting things in perspective. Decided to keep my baby. As the months went by my mother and I started getting excited about our soon to be new addition to our family. Prepping my oldest daughter to become a big sister. She was getting ready to turn 2. I had to have a scheduled c-section because of the complications with my first pregnancy. This time it was my mom, myself (of course), a family friend, and one of my oldest friend was at the hospital. There were complications this time to. Not as bad. my numbing meds wore off to fast. They put me quickly put me to sleep. Again I woke up and across from me was a beautiful baby. Another baby girl (who is now 1 as I wright this) Avery is the beautiful name i gave her. The moment I saw her I knew I had to make life better for her and her sister. Trying to get my life together and being told I couldn't work. felt so trapped. I wanted to help my mother. Knowing that she was taking care of us alone was hurting me. So if i cant work for another person I'll work for myself. Tried to get into things like Avon and Mary Kay. None of those worked for me. My mental disabilities still made that hard. Well then my next step was to start my own and now here i am telling my story to you on my website.trying to support my family and to show you that you are for sure enough. if i'm enough for my kids so are you.